Friday, July 23, 2010

My Energy Tank is EMPTY, but My Love Tank is FULL

My poor, sweet hubby has been working crazy hours for the past month or so. We are talking 12 plus hours a day, six days a week. Craziness. The first couple of weeks actually didn't feel too, too bad. Its summer, and the kids and I are soaking up every bit of fun that it has to offer. Last week, I started to feel the weight of the situation a little bit. Daniel is such an amazing daddy and is completely hands on with the kids. He is an amazing help to me when he gets home from work. But with him not home as much, I am doing most things on my own, And this week, I'm so tired. I drained. I'm done with this situation. I need a vacation. With my hubby and our babes.
Its a situation that cant be helped, and really, in the grand scheme of things, its not all that awful. Listen, I know people have it a lot worse. I am grateful he has a job to go to. I'm grateful that he comes home to us at night. I a grateful. I'm just tired.

I'm afraid that today, I am at my wits-end. I keep catching myself getting snappy with the kids at things that would normally not bother me. I keep taking deep breaths and trying to "reset" my mood. I've apologized, more times than I care to admit, to my kids for snapping at them and being short tempered.

By the end of the night tonight, I just felt completely wiped out. I put on a movie for the kids to watch and unwind to before bedtime, but London wanted nothing to do with that. So, I decided to take her and lay her in her bed and read a few books to her so that she could unwind and we could have a little special time, just me and my girl. I read her two favorite books to her and rubbed her soft little back. Then, I cuddle up next to her and said "London, Mommy has been kind of grumpy today, and I'm sorry. I'm just really, really tired." My sweet girl looked at me and said "Tired, Mommy?" in the softest, most sympathetic voice and then patted me on the back with her small little hands. My heart was pumped so full of happiness, love, and peace in that moment that I thought it might would explode. I stayed a few more minutes to soak up all the love my sweet girl has for me, and I for her.

I had already decided that I would let Dylan stay up an hour past bedtime for being such a trooper and helping me out so much, especially this past week. I came in the living room right as his movie was ending and sat down to cuddle him for a minute. I didn't think my heart could be any happier, but those cuddles proved me wrong. I then told him my plans to let him stay up and I thanked him for helping me out so much. "Mommy, thats part of growing up", thats what my sweet big boy had to say about how helpful he's been to me. Again, I thought my heart would explode.
I'm still tired, but my heart is happy. I have two beautiful, happy, healthy babes and husband that I love more than this world. The days lately might be hard, but life is good. I'm grateful. And I can't wait for the hubby to get home tonight for some cuddles to make my heart complete.

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